33 Days | 16 Hours | 2 Minutes | 59 seconds and counting....

  "My heart is a traitor," said the boy to the alchemist..."It does't want me to go on."  That makes sense," the alchemist answered.  "Naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won." --from, The Alchemist

This was honestly a tough week on many different levels and the voice in the back of my mind that used to whisper "what ifs" was yelling them at me this week.  I am 33 days from my first show, and I have to sometimes remind myself of that one thing - this is my first.  I have never set out to do anything to half-ass it.  That's not in my DNA.  And I am definitely not one to quit.  I would be lying to you when I say that the journey is all roses and butterflies.  You experience such a vast variety of emotions all in a given day -- sometimes an hour -- that you really have to focus on the voice on the inside that's real.  The first few weeks takes some getting adjusting to with the diet and not being able to do/have certain things, but it passes easily and quickly.  The next several weeks you find a rhythm.  Things begin to flow, you learn more about your body and you have a significant increased "moments of clarity."  For some reason things just start making sense (not even related to bodybuilding).  Then you reach where I am now, the point when things start to stop and it's you vs. you and your body to get to where you want to be.  When I thought things had gotten "real" and were hard in the past is nothing how I feel now.  Now it is hard.  My energy levels are definitely not the same but you still have to go hard in the gym.  So it becomes a war of mental toughness -- that in spite of what would be a "normal" situation you are working under abnormal conditions to push the envelope.  It is at this time when you think about turning back.  You question what you are doing?  Why you are doing it? If it's worth it? But in the end I can tell you it is.  As written wonderfully in the Alchemist, "tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.  And that no heart has ever suffered when it god in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and eternity."

Diet
My diet this week changed twice.  Once on Monday, and an additional mid-week change with a reduction of calories.  I currently eat turkey, broccoli, paprika, rice, rice cakes and romaine lettuce.  That is all folks.  Rice and rice cakes rotate every other day, and they are both consumed at the end of the day.  I also take a probiotic because broccoli tears up my stomach - 150%.  I don't digest it well and it's very gassy.  When I don't take the probiotic, I find myself making myself burp to release the pressure.  I know what baby's feel like when they are not burped properly #nobododygottimeforthat.
The Boss gave the instruction that the diet stays the same until Wednesday.  And if everything continues to move, then no changes, if not, then I already know from Thursday what changes have to be made.  I am praying to every name of GOD that things continue to move.  I keep telling myself -5 more weeks, then I can have my slice  (or 2) of pizza.  Anyone who know's and loves me knows to make sure I get a slice on Oct. 25th (Pepperoni please!).  :)

Training
With the first reduction of calories I was still okay energy wise at the beginning of the week, with the second, I was definitely feeling it.  My energy levels are not 100%, but I have been doing a good job of timing my meals around my workout so that I can still go hard in the gym.  The hardest days were always on leg day (1) I do it on a Tuesday evening after work (before prep I trained legs on Saturdays) and (2) it was the first day I felt my energy ran out pretty quickly.  Now I train legs 2x/week doing the "Beintisch" or leg tables - hamstring curls and leg extensions on the second day.  This gives me the opportunity to really push in both exercises because normally after squats I am toast.  These days my energy level doesn't last most days and I also forced into more naps so that I can get my rest.  My daily activities are now reduced to things that I "must" do.  I go to work, meal prep, get in the gym and do what I have to do and push as hard as I need to push, do my posing and go home.  By the time, I need another meal - STAT!!

But this is the part of the game that I love.  No matter how I feel, when I step into the gym nothing else matters.  I am okay.

Weight
Last week I wrote about my weight barricade.  Well the same barricade is the reason I had two diet changes this week.  And I will also admit that yesterday I had a mini breakdown  by myself at home because the scale still wasn't budging.  I was still around 74kg (73.9kg yesterday to be exact).  This goes along with the planned vs. reality.  As of 2 weeks ago, I still had 7kg to go before my show date and for the past two weeks I have been on this plateau.  So much for plans, right?!?!  And imagine, I still have to remain calm and positive and stress free.  In reality, I started this prep at 85kg and I am 74kg.  That's 11kg/24.25lbs - no minor feat.  So my body is saying a lot of expletives wondering why and fighting further loss of weight.  This morning I clocked in at 73.6kg (Thank you GOD!!).  I think it got the message.


Progress Photos
Here are this week's progress photos.  Independent of my weight loss barricade, I have been seeing additional changes in the mirror, especially around my shoulders and abs.  My legs are still leaning out a bit as well and my face is thin.  This lady at work this week told me I was "half the size than I was before."  A little bit of an exaggeration, maybe?  But I got what she meant.  This blog is getting harder to write, but I am committed to seeing it through to the end, so until next week.....