The Bookstore

At one point in time I was a frequent guest of the self-help section of the book store - emphasis on the words SELF-HELP.  I was looking for something - a thought, a word, a sentence, a quote, something - that would help to flame the fire that had already been lit in my heart.  But I was often disappointed; because the journey I read about in those books and the stories of success at the end did not leave me feeling inspired - it left me wanting to shoot myself (not literally).  I could not help but to think that these people were doing a disservice to the millions of readers out there searching for the same things, and more importantly they were wasting my money.  Although the endings of these stories were real and apparent in the news, and Forbes, and the tight circles they frequented, they weren't realistic.  Like many times in my life, they were a synopsis leaving out all of the negative aspects - maybe to protect the self or the ego - but romanticizing the success by portraying that with these few simple steps all my problems would go away.  Even more so, it led me to deduce that if I still felt the same guilt, shame, fear, or pierces to my self worth or self-esteem it was because I was not doing something right in my life, or I was not accurately following these steps.

So I walk out of the self-help isle and past the periodical stands and read the titles on the magazines that promise the same thing - your best body in 10 days, overcoming depression in 3 steps, finding a mate in 5 minutes - and the list goes on.  Now I feel worse, because not only is it my fault that emotionally and mentally I'm struggling on this battlefield of life; physically and socially, I am a failure because I can't seem to lose the extra pounds I picked up after college ball, or no one bought be a drink at the bar that night, or I've failed once again in this unfulfilling relationship and I'm going to end up alone.

Books are fundamental, and by this time I'm fundamentally through with myself and my life, and don't now where else to turn.  So I decide to check out the religion section.  Me, I grew up baptist - or as my pastor would say baptist with a lowercase 'b' and Christian with a capital 'C'.  Anyways, I sift through the different translations of the Bible and move over to the spiritual books.  At this point I'm trying to win the "Battlefield of the Mind"and "Live [My] Best Life Now"in a "Purpose Driven Life" so that I won't get "Left Behind".  I'm not perfect, I know this.  I drink, I'm compassionate, I've smoked, I'm loving, laid and played, sacrificed, lied, been raped, cheated, been devalued, hurt others, been hurt, caused pain, cried, judged and been misunderstood.  I've played on both sides of the fence trying to figure out this thing called life, and trying to explore this thing inside of me that just won't let me go.  But now in the religious section I learn that number one I have to believe, and I have to ask God for what I want.  And if I don't get what I asked, then it must be because I really didn't believe and I delayed or lost it because of doubt.   Concurrently, if I don't sense God, it's because I sin.   When I try my hardest not to sin and "beat myself into submission" but I'm not happy it's because I don't really believe.   So now I feel like it's my fault that my life is the way it is because I'm not accurately following the steps, I don't believe, and God is disappointed in me because I'm not doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing.

I don't know how many people get caught up in this constant battle to overcome disappointment and punishing the self for where or why things - internally or externally - aren't better.  Quite frankly, this angers me, because I know from deep within this is not how life is supposed to be.  Regardless of when I'm a saint or a sinner, I feel the presence of God in my life.  More than that, whether my prayers are structured or I'm just riding in my car having a frank conversation, I know God is there and He hears me.  And I know in my heart that if I continue to follow this unexplainable feeling from deep within, it will take me further than any of the steps of any book can guide.  And today that gives me comfort, and helps me to appreciate more where I am in this moment.  I don't have to be more right now, more today, more tomorrow.  None of that is promised.  Today all I have to do is listen to the voice deeps in the crevices of my being, further than the depths of my heart laying in the lull between each breath that I take, and resting it's head of each pause between my heart beats.  It is in that  place that I find all the help in the world, if I just set aside the time to listen.

As I exit the bookstore I leave thousands of authors behind, as go back to the One that has been sitting on the shelf all along.

-IAmJoCoop

Human Performance

I often times get frustrated with the uncertainties of life.  More importantly, I get frustrated when thinking about my life's purpose.  I try to discern where my life is supposed to lead based off of my passions---health, fitness, self-improvement, and helping others.  The lines between these passions are often blurred because they all are important.  They all are only pieces of a complete life.  They are only roles. 

We all play various roles in our lives. Often times we find ourselves out of balance because we exacerbate ourselves in only particular areas while others suffer.  We work long hours; therefore, we don't make time to go to the gym.  We throw ourselves into achieving a goal and we let personal relastionships suffer as a result.  We are always going-and-going like the Energizer bunny, and we don't make time for solidarity and serenity--time to for reflections and spiritual growth.  These are but a few examples. 

It is my belief that each area of your life is just as important as the next.  To be balanced is a concept that is discussed infrequently, but we set goals and resolutions for the areas of our lives we feel are lacking on an annual or some more frequent basis in search of something that we feel is out of our grasp. 

I too struggle with finding balance, but it is in my pursuit of balance that I hope to discover the ability---the blueprint---to help others do the same.  The ability to live this life completely, and fully without regret.  The confidence to know that when I reach the end of this journey, I would be content knowing that I became the person I was meant to be---that I lived out my purpose.

Change Clothes and Pose

I used to write for inspiration, but I think I'm going to go more for truth.  The tables of my life have turned drastically, and selflessnenss and understanding has caused an abundance of pain.  I've spent so much time asking myself, "what makes people....[insert here and use as many explatives as you want]?", or "why do I always.......[same as before, but probably a few more explatives]?"  I'm a person who always wants to be understanding because from my personal experiences, I would want people to do the same for me.  The road has definitely been bumpy.  But what I realize is that I can be understanding and still have a set standard.  You might say duh, but I'm serious.  When you live without a standard you'll take anything--and boy have I accepted some [bleep]!  Even now I wonder, "what the hell am I doing?"  But I'm not the victim, I'm a victor.  It is true when they say, "you teach people how to treat you."  Beyond all of the experiences good and bad, I'm on a quest to do something and be someone whom many would not believe.  A quest to make a change, but first that change must begin in me.  I used to be afraid to talk about my life, but that fear has paralyzed me in a place where I find myself often settling--in relationships, jobs, friendships, goals, objectives and life in general.  As many books as I've read, none of them have the answers.  The journey is a single one.  I'm on a road that only I was born on, on a journey to a place only I can go, trying to reach a destinations that many hope to attain.  The difference is, I'm no longer resting on hope, but action.  So it's time to teach a new lesson.  But first things first, I have to deal with the past, the whole past, I'll let you know how that works out. 

Until next time.

What Do You Want?

Living out your dream is not always easy, but we make it harder than it needs to be.  Let's be real, when you decide--I mean when you really decide--to pursue your dreams you jump, not off the top step, but to jump off the highest point, in the highest place with the possibility that you will not land in the place you will end up.  But how can you not?  And in the pursuit of that place you want to be we begin to forget about the place we are now, and that we are where we are supposed to be at this appointed time. 

Dream finding is a selfish feat.  Selfish because people may not understand why you are trying so hard instead of taking the 30 year, 9 to 5, 401(k) easy way out.  I think about a guy I went to high school with--Elton Anderson.  Elton left his corporate America, "secure" job to pursue a career as a professional photographer having only taken one photography class, one semester, during his college years.  And even though it may have been the single most scariest thing he's ever done in his life, and even though family and friends had their opinions and feelings about his decision--it was worth it.  Because if you look at his pictures, and you see his life, you know that taking that leap is always worth it because even if you don't land where you imagine, you always land better than you would have ended up if you took the simple, "secure" way out.  There is nothing better than living life doing what you love!

My greatest fear is getting to the end of my life and meeting the person I could have become if I weren't afraid to step out on faith.  And this goes with every aspect of my life.  I've come to learn that people judge what others doing based on the fears they have within themselves.  But when it comes down it, true happiness, true joy has more to do with defining what you want and going after it, rather than accepting where you are hoping that one day things will be different. 

Today, the perverbial shoes that I often refer to are tight on my feet once again.  And although the pain of moving forward, and shoes that don't quite fit can be very uncomfortable and seemingly unbearable, it's in the pain, in the stretching beyond your present limits that makes those new pair of shoes feel so much better.   So today, I'm focused on what I want.  I'm focused on what is best for me.  I'm aceepting what I know I deserve, and hitting the dance floor, in the crowd, full of confidence, laced with joy, dancing like there's no one watching!

Wise Investments

In helping others, we help ourselves.

This is a truth that has been known and realized since the beginning of time.  There are countless stories that involve major changes in societies sparked by the coming together of the collective whole.  In the game of football it takes all eleven players on the field for a team to do their individual jobs in order to see the success of the team as a whole.  Sometimes that job involves personal sacrifice in statistics, in fame, in recognition, and even fortune, but for the greater good and achievement of the team, the sacrifice is well worth it. 

As apart of team life, it is important that we all make sacrifices at times for the greater good of the human race.  It's in that sacrifice that we find our greater purpose.  We are all here to serve.  We want nice things, to live in nice places, to have extravagent lifestyles and to obtain personal goals, but at the end of this life, it's the impact that we've made in our families, in our communities, in our country and in our world that will make the difference.  It is the opportunity that we leave for all those who come behind us, that will have the biggest impact. 

Change in the world does not happen over night.  And neither does the change in ourselves.  Some things we do will stagnate the potential growth and progression, but it is those failures, those halts, those yield signs, and sometimes those stops, that strengthen us.  Because if we take the time to learn the lesson in the pain, in the desert places, in our loneliness, and in our uncomfortable situations, and we use that lesson to invest in the well-being and the growth of others, we also, subsequently take the time to invest in ourselves.

Therefore, I finish back where I started: In helping others, we help ourselves.

A Fighting Chance

Last night I learned of a young man, Benjamin Martin, who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Glioblastoma--a cancerous brain tumor on April 23, 2009. He's eight years old.

Since being diagnosed Ben has undergone several brain surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation. He was doing well for a short time, but at the beginning of September, the tumor returned with a vengeance and is now near the brain stem. Doctors do not feel like he is a candidate for further surgeries, so the family is seeking alternative treatment at the Burzinski Clinic, a major international cancer center providing alternative cancer treatments such as antineoplaston--the treatment Ben is undergoing. The problem? Like many stories of American medicine, Ben's insurance will not cover the treatments, and his mother, determined to help her self-proclaimed superhero son fight, is making the sacrifice.

As with others, this story really tugs at the reins of my heart. Not only because he is so young, yet faced with something many of us will never have to experience at such a young age, but the fact that the doctors have given up on him. At any age, this is a tragedy, and even more so for someone that could possibly have his whole life in front of him. With this treatment his chances of survival increase from close to none, to significantly more. And although the numbers are not in his favor, he still deserves the best chance he can get.

As I look over my life I thank God that everyday He gives me a new chance to get it right. He forgets the foolishness and failures of yesterday, and give me a new clean slate to try again. To increase my chances, when it seems there they are none. And with each opportunity, the chances get better. I get better. So why do we not exhibit this kind of faith, no only in medicine, but in God's ability to make a way, through the gifts he's given to other people or even directly through our dedication to prayer and fasting?

Often times when people pass, family set up funds and non-profits to prevent other people from having to go through the devastation of losing a loved one due to inadequacy in knowledge, medicine or even finances. And the money goes to benefiting a larger group of people. We feel good when we give, not really know how much of a change our little bit will do, but knowing that the sum of the little bits could potentially equal a lot.

But giving to Ben is more than a good cause. It is something that you're tied to emotionally because just like we hope for life, death is still very much an option. And that is something that you would carry with you forever. And that is something that the world is missing. How much better could we be if we sacrificed our personal comfort to really care about people other than ourselves. But the giving, the hope, is no less in vain.

At the end of the day God has the final say and regardless of what that result is God is still God. Until the final curtain call, life goes on. As the saying goes "keep hope alive!," but lets do it today---in life.

For more information and to see how you can help increase Ben's chances go to http://www.bensfight.org/.
And check out this 8-year old's blog at http://www.superherobenfightglioblastoma.blogspot.com/.
To find out more about Ben's treatment go to http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/

I Have A Dream

Today I felt my life change for the better. [That's a statement right, "I felt?" But, boy what a feeling!!!] The chains of bondage were broken a long time ago, and I am responsible for the lingering affect they have had on my life. No More!!! The lure of mediocrity is often times appealing because of its ease. But that life: It's not for me!

The inspiration that people think I am, is the inspiration I am going to be. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Anything that I touch will turn to gold. I will live a life of service but will no longer yield the open invitation for others to use me as a door mat. I've destroyed the walls of my box and live expectantly in the moment. I will affect life, life will NOT affect me. I will live outside of my comfort zone by 1st: doing things out of the ordinary, and 2nd: being extraordinary. I am who God says I am, and that is all that matters. There are too many deeply rooted passions that burn that He has planted and been cultivating within the uncharted depths of my heart. It's time to shed light on the vision, and go after the dream and all that I want and that God wants for me.

Like I said in the beginning, today, I felt my life change for the better. Follow my dream as UGoDream and let's see where life takes us!!!!