One Hundred Times

In Matthew 19:27-30, Peter questioned to Jesus his decision to follow him due to the things and people he lost and left behind. Peter, a married man, walked away from his family to follow Christ. The other eleven disciples also left wives, children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends--all to follow Christ. Because I know how the evil angels whisper questions in my ear, I can imagine that Peter was the only one bold enough to actually question Jesus about his conflict. He had seen the miracles, and lives being changed. He believed--most days--that he made the right decision, but the right decision doesn't always keep you warm at night, or give you comfort in your loneliness, or even confidence in your absence.

I too have asked God many questions because, as a thinker, my life is filled with questions. And in the uncertainty, absence of answers--and let's just be real here--down right lack of faith, I have often times retreated back to the comfort zone for security. Having experienced loss, hurt, disappointment, feelings of being taken advantage of and abused, or my least favorite FEAR have been my fiercest opponents thus far. But as the fight between moving forward and being comfortable rages on, I find it harder and harder to retreat back, because "back" doesn't have it's same fervour. The colors are faded, the people are dull, the food is bland, the environment is not the same. Or is it? I think that everything is still the same, familiar even, but with each step forward I experience something new, something better. I get an indication of how things could be if I just put some Dr. Scholl's in my stilettos and kept marching forward.

Just like I have questioned God, He has given me many answers. Lately, He's been a little quiet, because He was waiting on me to step out on faith and do something He asked me to do. I did it, and I question it because the potential hurt from I dare not fathom, but in the end, I know it will be worth it. Jesus understood Peter's position; He understood the sacrifice. However, Jesus reassured Peter that what he and the other disciples thought they lost was really only an investment that would multiply a hundredfold.

Although Jesus would make the ultimate sacrifice, he still understood the sacrifices of the disciples and how it affected them on their level, as God understands us. The reward is as valid today as it was then, "if" we believe.



Thanks to Rev. K. Davenport (associate minister, El Bethel Baptist Church, Redford, MI) for his sermon "What's In It For Me?"